Appreciation Is a Strategy (So Don’t Ghost Your Donors)
Running a nonprofit is relentless. You’re stretched thin, underfunded, and pulled in ten directions before lunch. I’ve been there — I remember the weight of prepping for another board meeting, the sigh of drafting yet another grant report, when what I really wanted to do was to go out to share our mission. I often felt as if busywork eclipsed higher-stakes activities.
So I lead with empathy when I say this: donor communication is one of those things that feels optional until, suddenly, it isn’t. And the moment you notice it’s a problem is usually the moment it’s already cost you.
Here’s the tension I see over and over in my work:
Nonprofit leader: We work so hard with a shoestring budget. We’re relentlessly focused on our mission. Why don’t they see all we do? How can they question our approach, our competence, our intentions? Why does their support come with so many strings attached? And why does it take so long for them to make decisions?
Donor: Communication in the early days was amazing — I knew what the organization needed and why it mattered. Now that I’ve made my gift, I hardly ever hear from them. Forget a thank-you (though that would be nice). I’d settle for hearing anything about how the organization is doing. Is my money making an impact? What are they prioritizing next? Do they need more? I’d still like to help!
Both sides are right. Both sides feel unseen. And a little appreciation and communication goes a long way toward easing the tension — but in my experience, it’s the nonprofit leader who’s best positioned to tilt the scales. Here’s what I mean.
Raising a donor’s eyebrows
Giving Day was last month, and many philanthropists we work with exclaimed — as they do each year — how much they hate the occasion. One such philanthropist, a lead donor in an organization’s capital campaign, told me, “I thought I’d be nice and give $500 in recognition of Giving Day, despite my feelings about the day. And I got an emailed form letter in response!”
For him, this was quite concerning, not because he needs the appreciation, but because it raised questions about the organization’s internal systems, which should have flagged his total giving and perhaps triggered a call or email or text from the executive director.
None of this is the executive director’s fault, exactly. She almost certainly never saw the gift come through. But that’s the point: the systems around her didn’t surface what mattered. A quick personal thank you would have landed entirely differently with the donor. Internal communication gaps create real risk. They erode a donor’s confidence to the point that they start to wonder if they want to give again.
Slowing needed momentum
Consider an organization that held an energizing offsite board retreat — an essential strategic moment requiring months of careful planning. Everyone walked away feeling great. Three weeks later, I ran into a board member who told me he was motivated and eager to keep going. But he’d heard nothing from the organization since, and felt a bit let down and in the dark about what was coming next.
This happens to good leaders all the time. You pour everything into the retreat itself, it goes beautifully, and then you turn back to the daily urgencies in your inbox. When I asked the nonprofit leader what happened, the answer was honest: “We’ve been in touch with all the board members, but they haven’t responded to my email.”
I get it.
But here’s the hard truth: board members are busy. They sit on multiple boards, run businesses, have demanding and competing priorities. Email alone usually won’t cut it. Text, call, do something creative. Ask them to coffee or lunch. The work of sustaining momentum is unglamorous and often gets deprioritized, but it’s what turns a great retreat, for instance, into actual forward motion.
Show appreciation differently
The good news: appreciation doesn’t have to be a massive lift. The best gestures are often the smallest ones, and they work because they feel genuine and unprompted — which is how we all like to experience gratitude. Here’s are some examples I love:
A two-sentence note in the mail. This might be the best. It stands out because it took time and thought, and it’s unexpected and rare in our relentlessly digital age.
Activating people in your donor’s orbit. Hearing from peers — classmates, fellow board members, campaign committee members — is social proof you’re on the right track. When donors get thanked by someone they run into on the golf course or at a restaurant, it matters.
A quick photo of your organization in action, texted once a month. It’s direct, earnest, and timely — evidence that their gift is achieving specific and visible impact.
Thinking long term. Strategy means looking around the corner over the next five years. Don’t just invite someone to next week’s gala. Build real friendships with people you genuinely like and respect. I’ve seen board members invite donors and their families to Aspen for the weekend. I’ve seen nonprofit leaders suggest dinner when they happen to be in New York at the same time, or invite a donor who loves a particular author to a reading. No pitching, no manipulation — just time together.
Why this matters
Most donors who make a gift are capable of giving again — and of giving much more than you initially imagined. Appreciation at every stage, from early prospect conversations to long-term stewardship, pays off in greater gifts.
I know how hard this is to prioritize when the operational demands never stop. But donors have a choice about where to invest their philanthropic dollars. When they feel that investment isn’t paying off or isn’t acknowledged, that’s a dangerous place for any nonprofit to be.
Put reminders on your calendar. Block the time. Build the habit. The work of appreciation isn’t a distraction from the mission — it’s what keeps the mission alive and moving forward.